


Nepenthe: Kim Hyojong

by Actually_undead



Category: K-pop, Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Angst, Cigarettes, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-25 04:59:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14371413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Actually_undead/pseuds/Actually_undead
Summary: nepenthe: [ni-pen-thee] anything inducing a pleasurable sensation of forgetfulness, especially of sorrow or trouble.Jihye had spent too much of her time in her life not being whole; she was constantly numb. One night she decided she wanted to fly, only to see someone else had the same idea as she.**Trigger warning: Suicide is a topic, if you are prone to getting triggered please don't read**





	Nepenthe: Kim Hyojong

Life through her eyes was like a kaleidoscope. Nothing seemed real and everything was distant but yet so close to her fingertips. It was almost like her whole life, her existence was merely an echo that bounced back into the shell that she called her body. Jihye was the shell and she believed somewhere her soul was a hermit crab somewhere off in the distance; waiting to welcome herself back into a warm completion. 

Happiness was ephemeral; here in an instant, gone in a flash. Her stability was a child walking on an iced over lake, constant uneasiness and short breaths of relief. Jihye wanted one thing in her life.

To be one.

She wanted to feel whole, to breathe and actually live. Jihye could never say her name out loud without it feeling foreign on her tongue. Nothing about her felt real or right. She just. Existed. Too many nights were spent on her bed, staring at the ceiling, wishing she could _live._

Tonight, she felt it all. She wanted to be set free. In her dim apartment, the only light that came in was the street lights through her white curtains. Jihye had been staring out the window, looking out for nearly two hours at this point. The 3AM eye bags had settled on her tired face, her fingers felt raw from constantly circling around her coffee mug.

Birds. They came and went, flying by her window. Jihye wanted to fly, just like them. To be free and leave nothing behind but wind that would gently tickle your face, leaving a fresh breeze that went to your core. To fly was such a beautiful concept to her. To just soar and be eternal. 

Without much thought, Jihye got up and left her apartment. She knew the route she wanted to go, she’d walked it many times before. Just up two flights on stairs and to the left was the door to the rooftop. Many times she had gone up here to look at what stars weren’t dimmed from city lights, to sit at the edge, to breathe. Tonight she wanted to fly.

Jihye pushed through the door with the familiar hollow click of the push handle to be met with someone else who wanted to fly. 

On the crumbling brick ledge stood a blonde male. He had his arms spread out, his button down shirt open and flapping in the gentle breeze. His black boots seemed firm yet willing on the brick, keeping him there but ready to simply glide right off. Silver rings on his fingers caught the light and had a dull twinkle, his slender fingers caressing the wind that blew past them. Slowly, he turned his head with his arms still extended to look at the intruder. His eyes were so beautifully sorrowful, sunken and purple sockets. 

“W-what are you doing?” Jihye damn well knew what he was up to, but she wasn’t prepared for someone who had the same idea as her, at this time, hour, day, building.

Slowly, he put his arms down but didn’t turn around, he simply looked down at the street below them. His face caught a orange glow, making his lips shine. “What you were going to do.”

Jihye bit her lip, starting to gently walk up to him, standing next to him. She looked up at him, seeing his focused eyes and his relaxed hands. “Please get down.”

The male chuckled, a slight smirk on his lips. He finally looked at her, licking his lips. “It’s funny how we want to die but when it comes to other people, we want to save them. I don’t want to be saved, as much as you don’t want to.” He spoke as if he was mocking her, but obliged her request and climbed down, sitting on the ledge with his legs dangling over them. “Come on, saviour. You wanted to come up here anyway, don’t let me stop you.” His hand gave the spot next to him a gentle pat.

Without hesitation, Jihye climbed up and sat down right next to him. She placed her hands on her lap, looking down just as he was. The street was more or less empty, cars idle and quiet. Every now and then there was a ripple of life, a light turning on or off, people walking by, a stray cat meowing in the distance. Other than that, the world was as good as dead.

For a solid thirty minutes, neither of them spoke. They didn’t move, they didn’t turn their heads, nothing. It was a simple, comfortable silence that revolved them. They both knew what was on each other's minds; their wings were clipped.

“Why jump?” He finally asked, his eyes staying on the street.

“I want to fly.”

“That’s cute.”

A smile crept on her lips; how morbid. “What about you?”

He turned to look at her alas. “It seems so permanent and quick. You could miss with a gun, your rope could snap or you don’t get _quite_ enough distance, you could handle pills, bleeding out could just make you pass out, I never really liked the water.” There was a slight pause. “I just want it all to be over, you know?” 

“All too well.”

There was another silence.

“We have this idea that dying can be beautiful when it’s so raw and sudden. There is no beauty, only pain. That’s all there ever is, pain.” He closed his eyes and took a breath. “This is ugly.” It was silent again, only this time Jihye’s heart ached inside of her chest. The hammering of her heard could be heard in the depths of her ears. “Is that why you want to fly? So you can be beautiful?”

“I want to be free…” Jihye finally got out, her voice a bit strained. “There won’t be anything beautiful about my body hitting the ground. I actually imagine it to be quite horrid.” 

The male cracked a small smile as he looked over at her, his blonde hair falling in front of his eyes. “What’s your name?” He asked after a small pause.

“Jihye.”

He swung his body around carefully and clutched he edge of the ledge so he could face the door. Leaning over, he got so close to her ear that she could almost feel his lips against her skin. “Save me tomorrow, Jihye.” He said in a gentle voice before pushing himself up, and walked away.

Before Jihye could even turn around to ask him his name, he was already opening the door, and he was gone.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

The taste of cheap strawberry wine stayed on Jihye’s lips as she laid back on an old lilac quilt she dug up from her closet, it smelled of dust and moonlight. She had her hands above her head, her fingers gently playing with a frayed piece of the cloth, eyes focused up on the sky. “Hyojong, what are you doing?”

Hyojong stopped mid movement, about to drink straight from the half empty wine bottle with one hand, a lit cigarette in the other. “I’m slowly killing myself.” He said as he raised both items and finally sipped from the bottle before putting it down. “What are _you_ doing?”

Jihye shrugged a bit and finally sat up, taking the bottle and took a sip from it. It was honestly awful but they couldn’t care enough about paying for good wine to get fucked up, but enough to get fucked up in general. She looked at the bottle and swirled the contents around a bit as she hummed. 

Tonight was the third night they had met up on the roof. Although they met under… unorthodox circumstances, it was clear that the two enjoyed each others company. The other night wasn’t as morbid as their meeting was, they simply chatted on the ledge just as they had done before.

Hyojong got up on his feet and took a drag from his cigarette, tilting his head as he blew the smoke up into the air. He was dressed in a slightly baggy shirt that would hang just a bit off his shoulder, his tattoo peeking out just a bit. Without a word, he stood by the ledge and held the cigarette by his lips and threw his hands in the air, giving a loud triumphant yell. 

“Hyojong, are you trying to wake the whole damn city up?” Jihye scolded him, but a small smirk cracked through her lips. She loved to look at him, especially when he would stand and look down at the city. He looked so ethereal, untouchable.

He turned around, putting the cigarette out between his fingers and flicking it off onto the street below. “I’m filling the void.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jihye asked, leaning back a bit. 

With a few steps, Hyojong was in front of her, and crouched down. He took the bottle from her hands and pointed at it. “This is filling the void. Drugs, sex, adrenaline. All of it. It numbs you because that’s all you think about in that moment. You don’t think about that ledge or flying or any of that shit.” Hyojong brought the bottle to his lips once again and drank from it, licking his lips afterwards. The little dip in his top lip stuck out to Jihye the most, she loved looking at it after he wet his lips.

Jihye blinked and watched him for a moment without saying anything. “I honestly never really did any of these things,” She said gently, “I just let the void do its thing.” 

Hyojong noticed the waver in her eyes and shifted, rolling his feet forward until he was on his knees. The tattoo on his neck became more clear, the reflection on his pupils sparkled, everything got louder. “What?”

“What do you mean what?” 

His hands went to the side, each by her thighs as one of his knees automatically fit between her legs as he made his little advancement. “Your eyes keep dilating, Jihye.” Hyojong’s voice was low but his tone was teasing.

“I’m drunk.” Jihye justified, but he wasn’t making it any better. “Filling the void, you know?”

Hyojong barely let out a chuckle as he got closer. “Jihye..”

“What?”

“Shut up.” Hyojong said simply before closing that little bit of space that was left, placing his strawberry lips onto hers. It was perfectly soft for the pure intention of acceptance; if she wanted it. There was a small break, a centimeter between their lips and a breath connecting the two.

Jihye closed the gap again as her hand went up to his cheek, pulling him in. It was rougher, stronger. Her teeth pulled his bottom lip and he easily got her on her back, a small dust cloud leaving the quilt. Strawberries and smoke, that’s what he tasted like, with a hint of cherry. His tongue danced with hers as his hands ran up her thighs and her fingers went through his hair.

As his fingers went higher, their voids got smaller and smaller; and soon it closed completely. 

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

The sky above reminded Jihye of tunnels at night, the stars were the lights but they moved by so fast they looked like wisps in the air. The sound of wind and the gentle creaking of chain by her ears was all that she was focused on. Her fingers clutched onto the rusting chain, rubbing over the grooves of time within them. Grass and his cologne graced the air around her, the scent coming and going.

“Are you tired yet?” Hyojong complained, lazily pushing on her back each time the swing would bring her to him. 

“Five more minutes.” Jihye requested, although judging from the lack of sputters in her pushes, he had no intention of stopping anytime soon. Everything around her was stagnant. It had to have been around midnight by now and the only thing around them were street lamps and empty activities on the playground. Normally, she would’ve been quite creeped out from the lack of activity in such a melancholy place, but tonight it felt quite nice.

Hyojong pushed her a few more times until he suddenly grabbed the chain to her swing, bringing her to a halt. There was a pause, and Jihye felt him crouch down behind her, sliding his hands down the chain until they stopped around her shoulders. Hyojong rested his chin on her shoulder, gripping the chains a few links above where she had been holding them.

“What’s your fantasy?”

Jihye couldn’t help but shudder from his sudden question, his breath tickled her neck and gave a moment of warmth in the chilly air. “My fantasy?..”

“Mm..”

Her eyes focused on the cluster of trees that was ahead, the depths of them were pitch black and made her bones clatter. What was her fantasy? Did she have one? For a moment, Jihye closed her eyes and thought of something.

“I want to break the kaleidoscope and feel real beauty,” Jihye took a breath, feeling her cheeks sting. “I want to see what’s real.” 

Hyojong was silent; he closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the side of her face. He breathed and dropped his hands so the moved over hers, giving them a gentle squeeze. “You sound like a stoic, Jihye.”

Jihye got goosebumps when his lips brushed against her skin as he stood back up, making her bite the inside of her cheek. She decided to remain quiet as he started to push her once again.

That five minutes turned into another hour.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

The popcorn ceiling had gotten less and less interesting to look at as the minutes crept by. Jihye drummed her fingers against her crossed arms, leaning against the wall. She had agreed to a night out instead of just saying in one of their apartments, drinking by themselves. So, she’d dug up some high waisted shorts and a bralette to go _party_ in, or whatever people did in clubs.

“I don’t understand how it’s taking you longer to get ready than me.” Jihye called out, bringing her eyes down to scan Hyojong’s apartment. She could tell all he had really been doing in here lately was smoking and, well…

Hyojong came out of his room, his button down shirt open without anything under it. He had a cigarette between his lips as he held onto a shirt, his hair a bit messy from him changing in and out of clothes. “Should I just go with the button down or-” Hyojong held up the shirt as he looked at Jihye, stopping mid sentence and blowing out smoke.

“I think you might want to just button up the shirt.” Jihye said as she ignored the look on his face. “Hurry up, it’s getting late.

He put out the cigarette and threw it on the coffee table along with the shirt. “We’re going to be later.” Hyojong murmured as he went up to her, uncrossing her arms for her as he looked down at her. His lips curled into a smirk, taking the black lace that brimmed the bottom of her bralette between his fingers. 

Jihye looked up at him, their noses practically touched as she felt his fingers go down her stomach and grip her waist. “How late?” Her voice was barely a whisper, slightly catching once his lips grazed down her neck. Without thinking, her hands went to his chest, dragging her fingers down the grooves of his fair muscles. 

The way he made her feel was so euphoric, like she was always on a high that never went down. Each kiss came with a star and each touch came with lightning. He was the embodiment of what _filling the void_ was, a perfect escape. 

It wasn’t long before his gentle teasing kisses got rougher. His lips mended with hers, small breaks of breath leaving their swollen cherry lips. His hands hoisted her up, nails digging into her smooth thighs she so willingly parted for him, wrapping her legs around him. Her fingers ran over his milky skin, feeling his jawline down to the tattoo on his chest she loved so dearly. Hyojong playfully parted their lips, just to nip at her neck in the spot he discovered to be his favorite place, making an orchestra of whimpers leave her mouth.

Without a word, Hyojong moved and held her in his arms as he kept kissing around her neck and chest, a trail of violet marks left behind. Gentle pleasured breaths would leave her parted lips as she held onto him. Once he went to his bed, he put her down and automatically hovered over her, his eyes barely covered by his hair. “You look entirely too good in this..”

Jihye bit her lip as she smirked, pushing his button down off of his shoulders and pulling it off only to toss it to the side. “I dressed for the occasion, right?” She asked in a soft voice, rubbing her hands up his chest, her lips giving a gentle kiss to his tattoo on his chest, on the outline of the heart. 

Hyojong chuckled a bit as he sat on his knees, looking down at the girl. “Yes but you’re too hot for the occasion.” He hummed as he took her chin between his thumb and index, lifting it so her big eyes could look up into his. This only caused her to blush and look even better under him. Hyojong traced his finger around her bralette one last time before lifting it, his tongue brushing over her lips. 

Lifting her arms, Jihye felt the fabric melt away from her as her skin felt more flushed under him. The way he was looking at her made her feel even more flustered, she never quite got used to it. How he would stare her down with those sunken drowsy eyes, lick his lips and bite them all while touching her or curling his fingers here and there. No matter how many times they messed around, he always just… did it.

His fingers trailed down between her breasts, going down to her shorts. As he pulled down the cloth, his lips ghosted over her nipples. Hyojong looked up at her as his hands ran up her thighs, gripping them and pushing them open. A small smirk formed on his lips as he brought his tongue over her bud, swirling it. 

Sucking in a breath, Jihye bit her lip as she reached out and grabbed the hem of his pants. As her numb fingers undid the little button, she felt Hyojong’s hair tickle her neck as he kissed around her chest. A gentle giggle escaped her once he teasingly nipped at her collarbone, his tongue dragging across the faint marks he made. 

Hyojong pulled back just to push down his pants with his boxers, giving Jihye a chance to rid herself of her thong. However, when she hooked her fingers in the straps, he quickly kicked his clothes off the bed and playfully smacked her hands away. “That’s my job,” He muttered, pushing his hair back with a grin. 

Resting on her elbows, Jihye looked down at him as he gently pushed his hands up her thighs to grab the thin fabric covering her. She rose an eyebrow and smiled gently, feeling him slowly pull them down. A kiss was placed on her inner thigh, eyes gazing up at her.

“I love how your legs open when you’re under me,” Hyojong muttered against her skin before adjusting. He pushed one of her legs up, holding onto it as he looked down. For a moment, he watched Jihye run her fingers up his chest. 

Jihye nearly adjusted but in a second, Hyojong had pushed into her without warning, making her dig her nails in his chest, cursing under her breath. She had scratched him a bit but he already started thrusting into her, so neither them particularly paid any attention to it. Her hands dropped to the bed, one gripping the sheets above her head and the other holding onto him.

Hyojong wasted no time building speed, his annoyance with the wait was entirely too transparent. He let out quick, short breaths as he rocked his hips into hers, his grip tightening on her thigh. His cock easily slid in and out of her, each movement was earned with a moan or a whine from her. He was obsessed with her facial expressions, her moans, her scratches; all of it. 

Her eyes were focused on how his muscles would morph with his movements, how concentrated his face looked as he bit his lip to suppress his groans. Jihye started to rock her hips with his, taking him in deeper. She heard a low groan finally leave his lips once she moved with him, making her grin. Arching her back, she dragged her nails across his skin teasingly.

“You’re annoyingly hot,” Hyojong grunted, leaning over and gripping the headboard above her head. His other hand planted on the bed, stopping for a moment. He peered down at her, soft breaths leaving his lips. A quick kiss was given to her before he popped his hips roughly against hers, his grip tightening on the bar.

All air left her lungs as she wrapped her legs around him, unable to match her speed with his anymore. “Jesus, H-Hyojong-” Jihye breathed out the best she could as he ruthlessly thrusted into her, nails digging into his skin. All she could focus on was his hips and how fast he was moving. Her eyes felt clouded over and all she could hear was their melody of moans and the beds tired creaks under them. 

His breath was against her neck, lips messily kissing and biting her skin as he pleased. “Come on, baby girl,” Hyojong whispered to her, teasingly rolling his hips into hers, gaining another beautiful moan from her. He nibbled on her earlobe, groaning softly. “Cum for me,” His voice was so low and husky from both tiredness and arousal. His fingers traveled to the space between her legs, rubbing her clit in circles and pushing into her harder.

Jihye clung onto Hyojong, a string of moans leaving her swollen lips. She simply bit her lips and nodded at his request, tightening her legs around him. Her body shuddered as the warm electric sensation took over her once she finally started to cum around him. His name rolled off her tongue effortlessly while her nails left marks on his fair skin, making him grunt.

Hyojong wrapped both arms around her waist, bringing her body right up against his as he gave one last strong thrust before he started to cum. A drawn out, muffled groan left him as he rocked his hips, riding out their orgasms. “Do you..still want to leave?” He asked her, not moving his head from her neck, heavy breaths leaving him. 

“No, I can’t feel anything right now.”

“Good, I’ll get the vodka in a minute.”

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

The neon light that ran along the brim of the diner flickered around every three seconds. It’s red hue only decorated a small portion of the white walls, but for some reason it was her favorite accessory. It was like a small modern spark to the _aesthetic retro tumblr_ vibe. 

Her eyes flickered over to Hyojong, who was looking out the window. He had a strawberry milkshake in front of him with four cherries on top per his request. His hand cupped his chin, his index finger would occasionally roll across his lips; eyes fixated on the raindrops that raced down the glass.

Jihye brought her candy cane like straw to her lips, sipping her vanilla milkshake. Her fingers delicately took her cherry and dropped it on the pile that collected in his glass; mostly to grab his attention.

Hyojongs eyes dropped to his glass, and rose to hers. He chuckled and picked up one of them, taking it between his lips and pulled, the stem between his fingers and the cherry gone. “It’s raining.”

“No shit.”

The stem smacked against her cheek after he threw it, making her pout. “Tell me something.”

“Anything?”

“Anything.”

Jihye sighed as she looked down at her milkshake, taking the straw and swirling it a bit before taking another sip. “Is it bad that I’ve always wanted to feel what it was like to be, _that_ girl?” She murmured as she looked up. “To be that girl everyone always wants to be around and invites to parties. That’s likeable and all that bull shit.” Once the words left her mouth, she felt dumb for saying that. However at times, she did feel that way. On nights she’d be alone thinking to herself about if her life could be different, what she would be doing. “I want to be the best I can be.” 

Hyojong looked at her as he ate his cherries, not breaking eye contact once her eyes had locked on his. He didn’t say anything, he simply went through all the cherries, chewing them and making a pile of stems on the folded napkin. After he ate his last cherry, he sipped his drink before folding his hands on the table. “You’re already your best.”

A dusty rose color took over her cheeks after he finally spoke, making her look away for a second before looking back up at him. “I don’t feel like I am. You’re dealing with a pretty mediocre person.”

“We all have morphed self images. I want to be a bangin’ boyfriend just as much as anyone else even though I know I smoke too much and I’m a raging mess.” Hyojong muttered and focused his lips on the straw, lazily sipping the strawberry goodness within the glass.

“You’re my boyfriend?” Jihye more so said in a teasing tone rather a serious one. They had never officially stated what they were, but they might as well be labeled as a couple. Even though they originally would randomly meet on the roof to drink and fuck, they slowly migrated to their apartments, going actual places together, spending all their time together. It never really needed a label. 

Hyojong’s cheeks turned a darker shade as he got embarrassed, looking back out the window. “Drink your damn milkshake.” He muttered as he picked up the glass and drank from it, keeping his eyes focused on the window.

Jihye snickered and leaned forward, stealing a kiss from him; his lips regrettably forming into a gentle smile. “My _boyfriend_ is so cute~” 

“My _girlfriend_ needs to shut the fuck up.”

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

The moon crept through the shudders, lines of light from above painted his back. The cigarette smoke would be illuminated once it hit the rays of light, swirling into beautiful temporary art. White sheets lazily draped over his lap, the rest of his body exposed; his muscles seemed more prominent. His eyes focused out the window, mindlessly smoking.

Jihye held the sheet to her chest with one hand, and reached out to him with the other. Her fingers gently ran over the tattoo on the inside of his arm, tracing the cherries. His skin was warm and soft; she always enjoyed that about him. Her eyes were trained on him, examining all his tattoos and how his lips wrapped around his cigarette. He always smoked after they had sex, it was almost a tradition. 

He looked down, holding out his arm to her and let her play around a bit longer. Taking one last drag from his cigarette, he leaned over and pressed the lit end into the porcelain tray by his bed, breathing out a large cloud of smoke. Somehow he made getting cancer look entirely too good.

Hyojong turned a bit, tugging his portion of the sheet as he went to look at her. His eyes scanned her, how she laid on her side, how her hair scattered across the pillow, how her fingers looked wrapped around white cotton, how delicate her skin looked, how gorgeous she was. His hand went to her cheek, cupping it gently as his thumb brushed across her lips. His head tilted just slightly, biting the inside of his cheek.

“I’m in love with you.”

Jihye’s cheeks burned under the soft light that complimented her face. Her lips only barely parted before he went on.

“I’m so in love with you, and I’m so fucking sorry if I’ve never been enough,” Hyojong dropped his volume tremendously as he spoke to her, resting his forehead against hers at this point. “That day I didn’t expect to find something I could put my heart into. I want to give you my everything but I don’t have anything left to give.” He swallowed as if a stone was caught in his throat, a shuddered breath leaving him. “You are so much more than I could ever be..”

A gentle smile formed on her lips as she grabbed onto his other hand, giving his knuckles a kiss. “You’re everything,” Jihye whispered to him, making sure he could look into her eyes. “I love you too.” 

His lips gracefully pressed upon hers, giving her a different kind of kiss than she was used to. It was so gentle, she could barely tell his lips were there. He simply kissed her and squeezed her hand, she was the only thing in the world that mattered to him. “You make the void seem.. Less empty.”

Jihye laid back as she raised both of her hands to cup both of his cheeks, a warm smile on he lips. “I’ll never leave you.” She said gently, pushing his hair back.

“What if I hurt you one day?”

“Then I’ll cry and hold your hand.”

______________________________________________________________________________________________

The second book had slipped from the bookshelf, causing a muffled _thunk_. The stained oak book towers jiggled just a bit from Jihye’s back constantly hitting against it. As a third book fell, Hyojong had to hold back a snicker as his hands gripped onto her thighs tighter. The smell of dust and old paper surrounded the two as the dormant books trembled in their homes.

Jihye had a hand over her mouth, the other clutching onto his shoulder to the best of her ability. Her cheeks stayed ruby red as Hyojong thrusted into her quickly, his cock pushing deep inside of her. Skirt hoisted up just a bit, blouse a few buttons lower with the lace of her bra showing, skin flushed. She bit down on the palm of her hand to keep her from moaning out loud.

“It’s the religion section, no one is coming,” Hyojong whispered to her as he kissed her neck, rocking his hips harder. He cheekily bit down on her sweet spot, causing her to whine and shudder. He couldn’t help but chuckle at how much of a mess she was under him, so he made up his mind to tease her as much as possible. 

She was a perfect blushing, melting mess under him. Her cute whimpers and gasps accompanied by her small jiggles in her cheeks and chest. Nails digging into his skin, lips curled in, wet thighs. Just as she was about to request for him to hurry, he slowed down his hips, giving her slow pumps with a roll of his hips. “H-Hyojong, please,”

His hot breath was against her skin, licking up her neck to give a sensual connection to her numerous hickies. “You’re so wet, Jihye,” He groaned in her ear, giving one hard thrust before continuing his slow movements again, a squeak coming from her. “Does me fucking you in public turn you on that much?” Hyojong cooed to her, his hands moving up to her ass and squeezing it tightly. 

She stubbornly bit down onto her lip as she looked at him, holding onto him. Her eyes darted to the small opening that lead to the small corner they were in, praying no one would walk by since he so ‘generously’ took his time with her. “Yes, n-now please, Hyojong,” Jihye pleaded, tightening her legs around him. 

Hyojong smirked and nodded, pulling her closer and pulled back before slamming his hips into hers. He bit down onto her shoulder as he thrusted into the hardest and fastest he could without bringing too much attention to themselves. However, the loudest sound from the two was probably the hollow and wet sounds their sex made. 

Jihye’s eyes rolled back when he finally obliged her request, her teeth digging into her lip hard enough she eventually tasted blood. Once he started rolling his hips into hers again with quick hard thrusts, she suddenly felt her core tighten as she started to cum. 

Pushing into her fully, Hyojong stood still as his cock twitched and he came. Strained heavy breaths came from him as he tried not to make any noise, resting his forehead on her chest, his lips eventually curling into a smirk. Finally, he looked up into her eyes with that smug look on his face.

“You couldn’t keep it in your pants?”

“You wore a classic school girl outfit to the library, what was I supposed to do?”

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Jihye walked with her hands in her pockets, looking up at the street lights. The cold burned her cheeks and made them a gentle red hue, her nose just numb enough that she couldn’t wiggle it to her heart's content. She couldn’t see the stars, but that was okay. The vintage lamp posts were a good substitute. When she was younger she used to think they were stars themselves, trapped in glass spheres to light the way for her. It was a nice fantasy.

Hyojong looked down at her, smiling gently to himself. “Are you looking at the lights again?” He asked in a soft voice. His eye bags seemed a little more prominent tonight, but she didn’t say anything.

“Mm, it’s dead out here so I don’t have to worry about bumping into people.” She hummed gently, focusing her attention on him; faint light specks littered her vision from staring at the artificial suns. 

He chuckled and stopped in front of their apartment building, leaning against one of the posts with his hands buried in his pockets. His eyes trailed all the way up to the rooftop where they had met so many months ago, then back down to the ground. “It looks so different from down here.”

Jihye stood there as she looked at him, watching his eyes stay glued to a specific spot on the ground. She nibbled on her lip, remaining silent. She understood, he understood. The look on his face told her everything she needed to know.

“Hyojong, what would you do if I hurt you?”

“I would kiss your wounds and cry.”

__________________________________________________________________________________________

The actual feeling of crying became numb; cheeks both dry and wet from the sudden tears that would fall. It all blended together, they simply fell without permission or will. Her nose didn’t run and her lips didn’t quiver, all she could do was numbly stand there and cry her tears. 

Jihye was staring the void in its ugly face as it slowly devoured her whole.

The wind chilled her to the bone and made the wetness on her cheeks sting from time to time. It almost felt like she had bullet holes and the wind simply passed through her entire being. Yet somehow, nothing phased her. In this moment she was bulletproof.

Her eyes only looked forward, the only thing in her view was the sky and the tops of neighboring buildings. It seemed endless, there was no beginning or end to the sky around her. She was so close, she could almost taste the stardust on her chapped lips.

Just as she closed her eyes, the sound of the door closing only made them open back up. Jihye didn’t more or look back, she already knew.

“Taking flight, huh?” Hyojong inquired as he stepped up on the ledge next to her. His voice was calm, hands in his pockets as he too looked forward. 

Jihye bit her lip as she looked forward, another tear rolling down her cheek. “It’s so dark,” Her breath trembled. “I don’t understand why it’s even here anymore. Shouldn’t I be my best? My happiest?” As she spoke, the tears rolled down her face and collected at her chin, each word adding a drop. Her heart was heavy; she truly did not understand.

Hyojong reached out and grabbed her hand, giving it a tight squeeze. “No one said love can fix all of your problems, Jihye. You know that.” He said calmly, his thumb rubbing small circles on her hand. “I’m not going to stand up here and beg you to get down because that would make me a narcissist. We both have been up here hundreds of times and something always brought us back down, and maybe something will bring you down tonight, and maybe it won’t. I will not guilt trip into forcing you to keep living unhappy..” He paused and swallowed, she could tell he was holding back tears. 

“I will not force you to do anything but if you jump, god damn it I will too.” Hyojong finally said after nearly two minutes of him taking deep breaths. This time, he actually turned to face her, making her turn to look at him as well. “You make the void less lonely, I’ve told you this many times. At first we simply numbed it but soon we took each other into our own demons. I understand and you do too. I can not stand here and beg you to suddenly forget those demons just for me, do you understand?”

Jihye nodded slowly as she let out a small sob, giving his hand a tight squeeze. “I love you so much…” She said as she looked down at their hands.

Time seemed to stop at this point as she looked at him. He looked back at her as he waited, and the street below them was completely silent. She thought about everything; all their kisses, their 4am talks, the feeling of his hands, how he would whisper to her, the taste of his tongue after he smoked, the glossy look on his eyes when he drank too much, his dark sleepless eyes after a rough day, his moans, his tattoos, his everything. Jihye loved it all, and she loved him more than living if she loved living at all. At this moment she felt what true bittersweet was.

“I’m ready.”

Hyojong nodded and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips before facing forward, taking a breath.

_That night two people became one. They loved each other with all they had because when they met, there was nothing. They cherished each other and numbed each other from the gnarled fingers of what true darkness is until they couldn't anymore._

_And they flew._


End file.
